Liquid's Punishment: Gun Survivor
by Liquid
Summary: Can Liquid survive the worst Resident Evil game ever made?
1. At Home With Liquid

The door to his house fell off the hinges as Liquid turned the knob. This didn't surprise him at all since his house was a condemned piece of shit, but on the bright side, having no door meant that he didn't have to worry about losing his keys anymore.

The first thing he did after walking inside, was take the 9mm out of his boot, and fire several shots into his coat closet door. A few seconds later the door opened, and a dead clown fell out into the hallway.

"God damn clowns". He said as he hung up his jacket.

He shoved the clown back into the closet, to be disposed of later. One of these days he was going to figure out how they kept getting in there. Then once that was done, he walked over to the answering machine, and pressed the button to play his new messages.

"Hi, Liquid, it's Alexia Ashford". The machine played. "I know that we didn't break up on the best of terms, but I really miss you, and I was hoping that we could get back togather".

"Really"? Liquid asked.

"Maybe you could give me a call sometime...wait, on second thought maybe you are a hopeless loser HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

Liquid pushed the erase button, moving on to the next message.

"Hey, Liquid"! An annoying voice yelled. "This is Cockbag The Killer Clown, and if you are listening to this I have been hiding in your closet, and am now right behind you with a knife BOOWOOHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"Good job, dick cheese". Liquid said as he pushed the erase button. "Maybe the next one won't leave cotton candy all over my driveway".

"Next message". The machine said. "Liquid, this is Solid Snake". "Hey good job getting Raiden killed a few months ago". "I'll buy you a beer sometime, see ya".

That was the end of the messages, so Liquid walked over to the living room, plopped down on the couch, grabbed the remote, and turned on the tv.

click zzz

"Hi, everyone". A man on the commercial said. "I'm the Devil, and after a hard day of torture and internet porn surfing, I need a laundry detergent that really gets the job done". "And that's why I use Formula 666, guarenteed to get your reds redder, your blacks blacker, AND SETS YOUR WHITES ON FIRE MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

click zzz

"Alright everyone". Sam Jackson said. "Welcome back to cooking with Samual L. Jackson". "Now if you just joined us we are about to put the finishing touches on my famous Hamburger Special". "Now the trick is to add just a dash of cinniman, and that can be our little secret". "I'm seroius now, mother fuckers". "If you tell anyone that I put cinniman in there, I will come to your house, and I will cut your bitch ass, you feelin me"?

click zzz

"And Jesus said". The minister continued. "That anyone who does not donate enough money to his church will burn in hell forever". "Amen".

click

Liquid shut off the tv, and got up for a drink. He walked into the kitchen, and opened the fridge to get his bottle of scotch.

"HA HA"! A voice screamed as Liquid grabbed the bottle.

"What the fuck"? Liquid asked.

"I am the Meatloaf Monster"! "And now you will pay for leaving me in here for weeks, you asshole"! "That's right, I live, and you will now feel my wrath"!

Liquid responded to this by pouring some of his scotch onto the creature.

"What are you doing"? The Meatloaf Monster asked as Liquid lit a match.

"I hate Meatloaf". He replied as he dropped the match onto the monster.

It screamed as it was engulfed in flames, and Liquid closed the door so that he wouldn't have to hear it anymore as it died. But then he turned around, and gasped at what he saw.

"Hello, Liquid". Xing said as he stepped into the house. "Living large as usual, huh"?

"What do you want, Xing"? Liquid asked.

"Oh, I think you know why I'm here". "Did you really think that I wouldn't notice your little Starwars thing"?

"I was hoping that you wouldn't".

"Liquid, Liquid, Liquid". "When are you going to learn that you can't turn the whole universe upside down and not pay the price"? "I'm afraid that this calls for another punishment".

"Ha, you're out of material"! "I beat all of the games, and the movies". "I also know for a fact that Resident Evil 5 and the new movie haven't been released yet". "So, what could you possibly have left to throw at me"?

"Liquid, I have two simple words for you". "GUN SURVIVOR"!

Liquid's jaw dropped.

"Gun Survivor"? He asked. "You have got to be shitting me, that is the worst game to ever be made".

"I shit you not". "Now my only question to you is are you going to go peacfully or do I have to drag you again"?

"You forgot about my third option".

"And what is that"?

Liquid suddenly tossed the bottle at Xing, causing it to break over his head, and giving Liquid the chance to escape. He ran down the hall, and rounded the corner, only to run right into Xing, who grabbed him by the throat.

"It's time, Liquid". He said as the power stealing blue portal appeared in the wall. "Any last words"?

"Actually, I have a question for you"? Liquid replied.

"And what is that"?

"It's an interrogitive statement that is used to gather knowledge, but that's not important right now".

"No, smart ass, I mean what is your question"?

"Oh, my question is: When I complete a punishment, do you have to release me yourself, or is it automatic"?

"It's automatic, why"?

"Because we're going for a ride".

"What"?

Liquid suddenly grabbed hold of Xing, and pushed off of the opposite wall, sending them both through the portal. A second later they fell onto the roof of a building on a heliport.

Once again powerless, Liquid moved away from Xing and slowly stood up.

"Oh, my God"! Xing yelled as he got to his feet.

"What's wrong"? Liquid asked with a smirk.

"My powers"! "My powers are gone"! 


	2. Let The Games Begin

They just stood there for what seemed like hours.

"What have you done"? Xing asked again.

"Oh, nothing". Liquid replied. "Only what you have been doing to me for the past seven years".

"I get it". "This is one of thoes role reversal things, huh"?

"Nope, I'm just as powerless as you are". "But to tell you the truth, I didn't really expect my idea to work".

"Idea"? "You planned this"?!

"Yes, and to answer your earlier question, no I didn't think that you wouldn't notice my little Stawars thing". "In fact I counted on it so that I could do this".

He suddenly spun around, and slammed his heel into Xing's head, making him scream as he knocked him off the roof. He hit the ground, and rolled to his feet as Liquid jumped down.

"So, it's a fight you want, huh"? Xing asked as he picked up a metal pipe.

"I don't want to fight you". Liquid replied."I want to kill you".

Xing swung the pipe, but Liquid rolled out of the way, and grabbed a fire extinguisher. Xing then took another swing, but Liquid aimed the nossle, and sprayed him right in the face.

Temporarily blinded, Xing took another swung, but Liquid stepped out of the way, allowing Xing to fall over the edge of the heliport, and into the water a few hundred fet below.

"YES"! Liquid screamed as he jumped into the air. "I BEAT HIM"! "IT TOOK SEVEN YEARS, BUT I BEAT HIM"!

Although defeating Xing had put him in a better mood, there was still the matter of his latest punishment. All he had to do was make it through, and he would be free of these torments forever. But it had been several years since he played Gun Survivor, and just couldn't remember how to do it. What he did remember was that he needed to escape from this island, and what better way to escape then with a helicopter?

There was one at the other end of the heliport, but he gasped when he saw someone running toward it.

"Oh, no you don't". He said as he ran after him.

He reached the helicopter just as the man was getting into his seat, so he jumped in behind him, and put him in a sleeper hold.

"What are you doing"?! Ark yelled.

"Nothing personal". Liquid replied as he snapped Ark's neck. "I just need your ride".

He pushed Ark out, and strapped himself into the pilot's seat just as someone started shooting at the helicopter.

"Fuck"! Liquid yelled as he started it up. "What now"?!

He was taking off, when someone jumped onto the landing struts. The man kept shooting the engine section as they flew across the island.

"You won't get away"! Vincent screamed as he climbed up. "Hey, who the fuck are you"? "What happened to Ark"?

"At your mom's house". Liquid replied as he kicked him in the face.

He screamed until his hit the ground, and Liquid thought he was in the clear for the few seconds before the engine exploded, causing the helicopter to take a nose dive right into the ground.

As for Liquid, he was thrown from the wreckage, and he landed inside a crate filled with mouse traps. But after a few minutes of snapping and screaming, he managed to pull himself out.

"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN"!? He screamed as he removed the last of the mouse traps.

It was then that he realised he didn't know where he was.

"Great"? He said as he looked around. "Now where the fuck am I"?

There was a handgun laying by his foot, so he picked it up, and started walking toward the only door.

"I have no idea where I am". He said to himself. "And I can't remember how to get off this island". "So I guess that my only hope is this gun".

He walked through the door, and saw Vincent laying at the end of the alley. So he walked over to him, and started digging through his pockets.

"Thought you were cool, huh"? Liquid asked as he took Vincent's watch. "Wanted to be a big man and shoot down the helicopter, huh"? "Well, if you were'nt already dead, I'd kill you".

He kept searching, and found a wallet, but nothing else. But suddenly there was a noise, and he turned around to see a zombie standing there. Thriller then started playing as the zombie danced toward him. But then Liquid shot him in the head, and the music stopped.

"Stupid ass zombies". He grumbled as he got up.

He was finished searching, so he walked through the next door, and a few minutes later Vincent started to wake up.

"Oh, my head". He said as he started to get up. "I'm gonna kill that little

He was then interupted by someone's foot pushing him to the ground.

"Give me that". Xing said as he took Vincent's gun.

"Who are you"? Vincent asked.

"Your mom".

Xing then shot him in the head, and looked at the door that Liquid went through.

"Ok, Liquid". He said as he reloaded. "You want to play, then we can play". "Unlike you, I know this game like the back of my hand, and my little changes should keep you entertained until we meet again MUHAHAHAHAHAHA"! 


	3. The Bad Place

Liquid walked through the door and found himself in an office of some kind. There seemed to be nothing of importance as he searched it, but then he reached under the desk and found the shotgun.

"Ooooooooo". He said as he picked it up. "Daddy like".

There was another zombie at the back of the room, so he tossed a book at it in order to make the zombie come closer as he cocked the shotgun.

And it worked. Soon the zombie was slowly walking toward Liquid, and this was all part of his plan. There was nothing more fun then getting a zombie right on top of you, and blowing his head off with the shotgun.

A few seconds later the zombie was only a few inches from the barrel, and Liquid pulled the trigger. This caused a flag to come out of the barrel, and when it unrolled it had "BANG" written on it.

"Oh, God damn it". Liquid said.

Suddenly the zombie tackled him, but he used the shotgun to keep it from biting him. Then he grabbed his handgun, and shot the zombie in the head. Once it was dead, he got up, and was walking toward the door, when he heard a sound behind him.

He looked, and saw to his horror that the zombie was getting up, and to make matters worse, it was now a crimsen head!

It roared and charged at him, but Liquid responded to this by using the shotgun like a bat, shattering it on the super zombie's head, and knocking it to the floor. Not waiting for it to get up, Liquid ran through the next door, and found himself inside a freezer.

"Christ". He said as he hugged himself. "It's colder then a feminist judging a fashion show".

He took a look around, and noticed that there were no zombies in here. There were only a ice statues of different types of animals. He was going to look at them closer, when he heard something approaching. A second later, a large silver robot came rolling around the corner.

"Fish". It said as it rolled over to him. "Plankton, seagreens, and protean from the sea".

"What the fuck"? Liquid asked.

"Wait for the winds, It makes my birds sing my name". "Box, they sing". "Box, Box, BOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXX, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"I think I'm gonna be going now".

He started walking, but Box rolled to block his path.

"What is your hurry"? The robot asked. "You will join the others in due time".

"Others"? Liquid asked. "What others"?

"Come with me, and I shall show you".

Box rolled around a corner, and Liquid followed him. They entered another room, and when Box turned the lights on, Liquid saw hundreds of people encased inside ice blocks. Each one was bent over with their pants around their ankles and an expression of horror on their faces.

"What in the blue fuck is all this"? Liquid asked as he looked at them.

"Standard storage procedures". Box replied as he turned away to grab some tools. "Well...maybe not completely standard, hehehehehe".

It was becomming obvious to Liquid that he was in a place where he didn't belong.

"Fish". Box said Liquid started slowly sneaking away. "Plankton, seagreens, and protean from the sea". "Then they stopped coming, and the people started coming instead". "WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING"?!

Box then rolled back into the light, and Liquid gasped at what he saw. The robot was now wearing a gimp mask, and holding a freeze gun in one hand, and a cat-o-nine-tails whip in the other.

"You see, it's my job". He continued. "It's my job to freeze you, but I like to have a little fun with my victims first, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

The robot came at him full speed, and Liquid screamed like a girl as he ran away.

"You can't get away"! Box laughed as he chased him. "I'm going to stuff and freeze you like a turkey".

Liquid fired several shots as he ran toward the door, but they just bounced off. Then Liquid slipped on the ice, and his gun went off as he fell, shooting Box's treads as he continued to slide toward the door.

"WOAH"! The robot screamed as he fell on his face.

Box was sliding much faster then Liquid, and it looked like this was the end, until Liquid slid through the door, and slammed it shut just as Box was about to come through.

"OUCH"! Liquid heard him yell as he crashed into the wall.

Liquid wasted no time as he got to his feet, and bolted down the hallway. He ran through the door, slammed it shut, and locked it. Then he turned around and saw that he was now in a dining room of some kind.

There was no immediate danger that he could see, so he walked over to one of the tables, and sat down to rest.

"Welcome". A voice said.

It was kind of dark, so Liquid picked up the candlebra so that he could look around. But he could see no one.

"I hope you will be staying". The voice said again.

"Who said that"? Liquid asked as he kept looking. "Show yourself".

The candlebra then tapped him on the head, and when he looked at it, it had a face.

"SURPRISE"! It screamed as it shot out a blast of fire at Liquid's face.

He dropped it, and fell back into the chair. But then the arms suddenly locked around his body, pinning his arms to his sides, and holding him in place.

"Oh, God" .Liquid said. "What now"?

"Welcome to our dining room". The candlebra said as it climbed back onto the table. "I am Lumiere, and it is my pleasure to invite you for dinner".

He was then joined by a clock and a teapot.

"Allow me to introduce my friends". He continued. "This is coggsworth and Mrs Pots".

Mrs. Pots suddenly poured boiling hot tea into Liquid's lap, making him scream. Then Coggsworth picked up a knife, and tossed it, sticking it into the chair less then an inch past Liquid's head.

"To the kitchen with him"! Lumiere shouted. "We must roast the pig and burn togather, HAHAHAHAHA"!

The chair started walking toward the kitchen, and when they got there, an evil looking stove was waiting.

"AH HA"! The stove screamed as it's door opened. "ANOTHER VICTEM FOR MY FIRES"?!

"NOOOOOOO"! Liquid screamed as the chair walked him toward it.

"Now hold still". The stove said as the chair stopped. "Because this is really going to hurt".

At the last second, Liquid kicked his leg up, knocking over a flaming pot, causing fire to spread up the walls. Some of the fire touched the chair, and it released Liquid, allowing him to jump away.

He grabbed Mrs. Pots and shattered her against the wall, and then he kicked Coggsworth, making him fly into the stove.

"Stop him"! Lumiere ordered as the whole kitchen burst into flames.

All of the utentials and machienes in the kitchen suddenly came to life, and tried to stop Liquid as he ran. But he dodged knives, jumped over machines, and finally dove out the window just as the whole place exploded, and burned to the ground.

"Stupid candle". Liquid said as he got up and walked away. 


	4. Phone Games

The monitor showed Liquid walking away as the dining building burned to the ground, and Xing was not too happy as he watched.

"I am not too happy as I watch". Xing said.

This was the first time that he had ever been powerless, and he was having trouble believing that Liquid had tricked him in such a way.

"I've never been powerless before". He continued. "I can't believe that Liquid tricked me in such a way".

He was growing more and more

"SHUT THE FUCK UP"! Xing screamed. "God, I fucking hate narrators"!

He slammed his fists on the panel, and watched as Liquid continued walking.

"I'll get you for this, Liquid". He said. "I will make you pay for what you did for me".

Meanwhile, Liquid had continued walking, and was now in another courtyard of some kind. There was nothing noticable, so he was about to move on, when he heard a phone ringing.

It seemed to be coming from a pay phone across the courtyard, so he walked over to it, and picked up the reciever, not seeing the Licker drop down behind him.

"Hello"? He asked.

"Hello, Liquid". The voice said.

"Is this...Morphious"?

"Yesssssss". "Do you still want to meet"?

The Licker slowly moved closer and closer to Liquid.

"I don't know". Liquid replied. "Not if you're gonna pull that two pill bullshit on me again like last time".

"Liquid". Morphious replied. "Don't you trust me"?

"Last time you told me that if I took the red pill I would see how far the rabbit hole goes".

"Yes, I did".

"Instead I passed out, and woke up the next morning in bed with Rosie O'Donnell". "Do you have any idea what kind of damage that does to someone"?

Suddenly the Licker shot out it's tongue, but Liquid caught it in his hand.

"I am on the god damn phone, son". Liquid said as he held it's tongue. "If you need to make a call, or if you just want to kill me, you could atleast have the common god damn courtasy of waiting until I hang up". "So, in order to teach you a lesson, I give you this".

Liquid then took out his gun, and shot it in the tongue, making it roar in pain as he let go.

"Sorry about that". Liquid said into the phone. "Where were we"?

There was no response, only the beeping of the phone line. This made Liquid furious, and he slammed the phone down.

"Alright, asshole"! He yelled as he faced the Licker. "You done pissed me off"!

By this time the Licker had healed it's tongue, and it was now ready for another attack. So it leaped, and Liquid simply dropped to the ground, causing the monster to fly over the guard wall, and fall hundreds of feet to it's death.

Once it was gone, Liquid waited a few seconds, and then screamed like a bitch as he held his cut hand.

"How could I be so stupid"? He asked himself. "Grabbing a Licker's hand, what the hell was I thinking"?

Thanks to his quick healing, within a few minutes his hand was fine, and he was able to carry on.

He kicked open the next door, and found himself in a room with a bunch of sleeping zombie dogs. The exit was across the room, but he would be fine as long as he didn't make a sound. So he tip-toed across the room, weaving through the sleeping dogs as quietly as possible.

All went well until he was half way across the room, but then the payphone rang, and each dog growled as it jumped to it's feet.

"Oh, god damn it". Liquid replied as they surrounded him.

He raised his gun as the first dog leaped, and shot it in the head, but the second dog leaped and knocked the gun out of his hand, sending it sliding across the room. So he pulled the knife out of his boot and stabbed it in the head, but the third dog bit his wrist, making him drop the knife.

The fourth dog leaped at his head, but was suddenly hit by a bullet, killing it.

"Die, Liquid"! Xing yelled as he aimed his sniper rifle again.

"Xing"? Liquid asked.

He fired, but Liquid lifted up the dog on his wrist, and used it like a shield. Xing kept firing, but the dogs kept leaping in the way, allowing Liquid to grab his weapons, and take cover.

Frustrated, Xing screamed his rage as he lost the target. Then he leaped over the guard rail, and headed back for the monitor room.

Now that the dogs were dead, Liquid was free to answer the phone.

"Hello"? He asked.

"Billy, is that you"? The voice asked.

"What"?

"Billy can you hear me"? "This is Billy, I can't find Billy anywhere". "Do you think I should ask Billy"?

"Huh"?

The strange person hung up, and now Liquid was more confused then ever.

"Who the fuck is Billy"? He asked as he continued on.

A few more zombies got in his path, but it was nothing that he couldn't handle. A few minutes later he found himself in front of yet another building, and as he walked in, he didn't see the Umbrella helicopter in the distance flying toward the island. 


	5. The Cleaners Arrive

Liquid entered the door, and came face to face with a little old man.

"Billy"! The old man screamed.

"Who the fuck are you"? He asked.

"Don't you recognise me, Billy"? "It's me, Billy".

"Whatever, dude". "What the hell do you want from me"?

"Let's go, Billy"! "We have to find Billy before it's too late"!

This was starting to get frustrating, and Liquid was starting to lose his patience.

"What the fuck do you want, old man"? He asked. "I don't have time for any of your games"!

The old man was about to respond, but was interupted by the sound of a helicopter approaching the island. It moved over to the west side of the island, and hovered there for a minute.

"What have you done, Billy"?! The old man shouted.

"Huh"? Liquid replied.

"How could you call the cleaners"? "They will destroy this entire base"! "Hurry, Billy, we have to escape"!

The old man ran through a set of double doors, and Liquid followed close behind.

Meanwhile, Xing was watching from the monitor room. He had a large popcorn in one hand, and a bottle of Jack in the other. He was starting to get bored, that was until he saw the helicopter approaching.

"Cleaners"? He asked.

He switched one of the monitors to show the helicopter.

"Wow, that was fast". He continued. "Let's see if Liquid can survive this one, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

Out in the courtyard, the helicopter hovered for a few more minutes, and then several ropes dropped down, followed by people. They carried mopps, brooms, floor buffers, hot wax, buckets, windex, and all sorts of other industrial cleaning supplies.

They dropped to the ground, and looked back up at their leader.

"Alright you little bastards"! Mr. Clean screamed. "Remember your god damn mission"! "I want this whole area so spick and span that you can see my ugly face in it"!

"Yes, Sir"! They screamed.

"Recite the custodian's oath"!

"Mopp, mopp, mopp all day long"! "Mopp, mopp, mopp while I sing this song"! "Gonna wax that floor, gonna make it shine"! "Then strip off the spraypaint with turpintine"! "HOOAH"!

"Excellent, my little bitches"! "NOW CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER CLEANED BEFORE, AHHHHHHHHHH"!

The cleaners grabbed their equipment, and spread out to clean the entire base.

Back in the building, Liquid ran through the double doors, and gasped as they locked behind him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"! The old man screamed as Liquid pushed on the door. "I got you now, Billy"!

"What is this"!? Liquid yelled as he turned back around. "What do you want from me"?!

"I want to see you suffer and die, Billy"!

"But, why"? "I haven't done anything wrong...well, not to you, anyway".

"A minor detail". "Regardless of what you have done, you will suffer and die in this inescapable death trap that I have created"!

"Inescapable"?

"That's right, Billy"! "There is no way out of here at all, and any minute now you will be attacked by powerful monsters that no mortal man can ever hope to destroy"! "They live to kill, and they are good at it"!

Liquid thought for a second, and then laughed as he shook his head.

"You find something funny, Billy"? He asked.

"Yes, actually". Liquid replied. "I believe that I have discovered a tiny flaw in your plan".

"And what's that"?

"Well, you did good as far as getting me in here, and trapping me with horrible monsters, but the flaw is that you seem to have sealed yourself in here with me".

The old man gasped as he realised that Liquid was right.

"Now". Liquid continued. "Are you sure that there is no way out of here at all"?

"Alright". He replied. "There is one way, but only if you

Suddenly he was interupted by a grappling hook wrapping around his neck. Then it pulled him onto his back, and he screamed as it dragged him into the darkness. A few seconds later the screaming stopped, and it was quiet again.

There was nothing but silence for a few minutes, but then Liquid froze as something moved in the darkness. Then he gasped as four figures began walking toward him, and when they stepped into the light, he could clearly see his enemy as they dropped the bloody remains of the old man onto the floor.

It was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

"Well, well, guys". Leo said. "What do we have here"?

"Not sure, Leo". Don replied. "But he looks tastey".

"WHO CARES WHAT HE IS"!? Raph screamed. "I WANNA WHOOP HIS ASS"!

"Mello out, man". Mike said as he took a puff of his joint. "Maybe he's got some weed".

"Will you two shut the fuck up for a second"? Leo asked. "I'm trying to think of the most creative and inhumane way possible to kill this asshole".

"Why don't we just do it"? Don asked. "I mean, why should it be complicated"?

"Sounds good to me". "What do you two think"?

"Whatever". Raph replied.

"For sure, dude". Mike added. "Let's beat this guy's ass, turtle style".

Suddenly Liquid raised his gun, and pulled the trigger.

(Click).

"Oh, shit". He said as he kept firing.

(Click) (Click) (Click) (Click).

The turtles started laughing as he put his gun away, and picked up a convienient broom handle.

"Alright". Liquid asked. "Who's first"? 


	6. Liquid Vs TMNT

Liquid waited, holding the broomhandle like a staff as the turtles decided who went first.

"Fuck this". Raph said. "I got him".

He took out his sais, and charged. In response to this, Liquid blocked his first two attacks, kneed him in the side, and whacked him in the face with the broomhandle, knocking him to the floor.

"Um, you go next". Don said.

"Thank you". Leo replied as he took out his swords.

He ran, and did a sword dive, but Liquid dropped onto his back, and used the momentum to send Leo crashing headfirst into the wall. He collapsed to the floor, and Liquid jumped back to his feet.

"Damn, dude". Mike said. "What do we do"?

"Let's both get him". Don replied.

They charged at him, and Liquid blocked Don's attack as Mike swung his nunchuck. Liquid ducked just in time to avoid the weapon, making it whack Don in the jaw instead, sending him down.

"Shit". Mike said as Liquid faced him.

He swung, but Liquid moved out of the way, twisted his arm behind his back, and kicked him in the ass, sending him down right on top of Don as he was just getting up.

"What the fuck"? Liquid asked as they got up. "I remember back in the 80's when you guys were unstoppable".

"Hey". Leo replied. "We've been out of work for 10 years, what did you expect"?

"But, what about that movie that just came out"?

"That was just computer animation". "We haven't lifted a finger since The Next Mutation got cancelled".

They just stood there for a minute.

"So, what do you wanna do"? Liquid asked. "We could just call it even if you want".

"Why"? Don asked. "So you can shoot us in the back"?

"Of course not". "I'm out of bullets, remember"?

"Oh yeah, that's right".

"FUCK THIS"! Raph yelled. "THERE'S FOUR OF US AND ONE OF HIM"! "I SAY WE BUM RUSH HIS ASS"!

They all screamed as they charged at him, and Liquid swung his broomhandle like a bat, taking down Mike. He then blocked Don's attack, and kicked Raph in the throat, sending him down.

Don attacked again, but Liquid moved, put his broom handle between his legs, and flipped the turtle away, sending him crashing into a bookcase.

"I'm gonna kill you". Leo said as he got ready.

"You know, Leo". Liquid replied. "I got some advice for you".

"What's that"?

"Why don't you...just be my mother fucking guest"?

Leo swung his sword, cutting the broomhandle in half, but Liquid swung both halves, and brought them down on his shoulders, dropping him to his knees. Then he kneed him in the face, and uppercutted him into his back.

"YES"! Liquid screamed. "VICTORY IS MINE HAHAHAHAHA"!

"That is enough". Another voice said from in the darkness.

Suddenly Master Splinter came walking into the light, and Liquid's jaw dropped.

"Hello, Liquid". Splinter said. "We meet again".

"Oh, fuck". Liquid replied.

"I see that you bested my students". "This is not surprising, since they spent the last 10 years laying on their asses eating pizza, and watching low budget porn". "But I still cannot tolerate the fact that they lost to someone as worthless as you, and I am now forced to fuck you up".

He rushed at Liquid, knocked the sticks out of his hands, kicked him in the stomach, and swept his feet out from under him. Liquid started to get up, but Splinter tail whipped him in the face, and tossed him through a book case.

Liquid got up and punched, but Splinter caught his fist, punched him in the chest, and hip slung him through another book case.

"How could my students lose to a bitch like you"? Splinter asked as Liquid slowly got to his feet.

"I don't know". He replied. "You trained them".

Now enraged, Splinter became a blur as he dashed, and kicked Liquid in the chest, sending him flying out the window.

"Well, that's that". Splinter said as Liquid fell. "Now, you four, back to your training".

Liquid continued to fall, bouncing off rooftops for what seemed like forever, until he crashed through the roof of what appeared to be a casino of some kind as he slammed onto the floor.

"Ow". He moaned as he rolled onto his side.

After a few moments he was able to slowly get to his feet, and that's when he noticed that except for where he crashed, the place was spotlessly cleaned.

Suddenly the door was kicked open, and the cleaners screamed as they saw what he had done to their beautiful work.

"Um...hi". Liquid said.

"Unclean". One of them said.

"Excuse me"?

"Unclean". A few more of them said.

Suddenly the whole group began chanting UNCLEAN, and Liquid took this as his que to start running.

So he screamed like a girl and took off as they chased him. 


	7. Wrath Of The Cleaners

Liquid rounded a corner, and made it three more stepps before a mopp came out of nowhere, smacking him in the face, and sending him down.

"Unclean". The cleaners chanted as they swarmed over him. "Unclean, unclean, unclean, unclean".

"I don't suppose that we can talk about this"? Liquid asked as they grabbed him.

They dragged him to the center of the room, tossed him to the floor, and stood over him.

"Mopps". The group leader ordered.

They dunked their mopps into the buckets, raised them up, and began whacking the hell out of Liquid with them.

"Paint stripper". He ordered.

They poured stripper all over Liquid, making him scream, then they slammed the floor stripper down onto him, and he screamed again as they activated it.

"Hot wax". He ordered.

"NOT THE HOT WAX"! Liquid screamed.

They dumped a bucked of boiling hot wax all over him, and then they slammed the floor buffer on top of him.

"Full power to the buffer". He ordered.

Liquid screamed as the evil buffer was used on him for ten whole minutes.

"And finally, Pinesoll". He ordered. "Mopped to perfection for that ever so clean woodland scent.

They dunked their mopps in pinesoll, and resumed beating him for a few minutes, before stopping, and stepping away.

As they stepped back, Liquid looked at himself. He was clean shaven, his clothes were clean, his hair was shiny, and his whole body seemed to sparkle.

"Our work here is done". The group order proudly stated. "Mr. Clean will be pleased".

"Oh, my god". Liquid said as he looked at himself. "I've never been so clean in my whole life". "You guys are the best".

"It's what we do". "And now that you are the very posterboy of cleanleness, we offer you the chance to join us in our quest to sanitise the entire world so that filth and grime will be stamped out forever, MUHAHAHAHAHA"!

Liquid thought for a second.

"Sorry, guys". He said. "But I just have too many other things going on in my life".

"Don't be like that". The group leader replied. "We all had different things going on when we joined the great quest". "I, myself, was a bartender before I was shown the light". "Johnny, why did you join"?

"I got tired of working for terrorists". Johnny replied. "I kept getting my clothes stolen, or I was always sick, but now it's all better thanks to these guys".

"Bill, why did you join"?

"You guys kidnapped me when I was 15". Bill replied.

"You see, Liquid"? "We come from all walked of life, banded togather to form THE CLEANERS"!

Suddenly they all struck a hero pose similar to the Ginyu Force.

"That was pretty cool". Liquid replied. "But, I'm kind of in the middle of something".

The cleaners just stood there for a minute.

"Wow". The group leader replied. "No one has ever refused us before".

"What do we do"? Johnny asked.

"TO THE PIT WITH HIM"!

"What"? Liquid asked.

Suddenly they grabbed him, and he screamed as they lifted him over their shoulders.

"To the pit". They chanted as they carried him away. "To the pit, to the pit, to the pit".

A few minutes later they arrived at an open sewer cover.

"You've got to be kidding me"! Liquid yelled. "I don't want to go in there"!

"Alright, men". The group leader ordered as they moved Liquid closer. "On the count of three".

"There has to be another way"!

"One".

"Wait, I've changed my mind"!

"Two".

"But, there could be nasty monsters in there"!

"Three".

Liquid screamed like a girl as they tossed him down the hole, and once he hit the ground, they sealed the enterance.

"Now". The group leader ordered as they closed it. "BACK TO THE CLEANING"!

"Assholes"! Liquid screamed as he heard them leave. "Stupid janitors"!

He got to his feet, and found that he was now in a dimly lit tunnel.

"Now where the hell am I"? He asked himself.

Suddenly the lights came on, and once his eyes adjusted, Liquid realised that he was not alone.

"Who is that"? He asked.

The man remained silent as he stepped into the room.

"Identify yourself". Liquid ordered.

Then his eyes came into focus, and he gasped as he saw who the man was.

"Hello, Liquid". Chuck Norris said as he walked in. "Let's see you get away this time". 


	8. Escape From Chuck Norris

Without missing a beat, Liquid spun around, climbed up the ladder, and began banging on the sealed cover.

"LET ME OUT"! He screamed. "I'VE CHANGED MY MIND"! "I WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD CLEANER"! "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME OUT"!

Suddenly Chuck Norris grabbed his leg, and pulled him down, making his head hit every rung along the way.

"You haven't been avoiding me, have you, Liquid"? Chuck asked.

"Kind of". Liquid replied.

"That's too bad, because that makes me think that you don't like me".

"Was that your first clue"?

"No, but it makes me want to do things like this".

He slammed Liquid's head into the wall, then he kneed him in the stomach, and did a strange flip-kick thing that sent him rolling across the ground.

"I'm gonna take you apart piece by piece, Liquid". He said as Liquid got up. "And then I'm going to kill you".

"Oh, is that all"? Liquid replied.

"No, because once I kill you, I will go to Central Africa, where I will learn Voo-Doo so that I can bring you back to life, just so that I can kill you again".

"I don't suppose that we can cut a deal"?

"Not this time, Liquid". "You see, you are the only person that has ever gotten away from me". "I have a reputation to protect, and I'm also still pissed at you for blowing me up, electrocuting me, and pushing me off of a 40 storie building".

Liquid turned to run again, but Chuck Norris became a blur and appeared right in front of him. Then he punched Liquid in the mouth, swept his feet out from under him, and then held him down by putting his foot on Liquid's chest.

"And now, Liquid". Chuck said as he pulled back for a finishing punch. "It is time to say goodbye".

It seemed like all was lost, but then as Chuck Norris pulled back his fist, his elbow hit a release valve, opening the sewage pipe right next to him.

The tremendious wave of raw sewage slammed into him, knocking him to the ground, and taking his attention away from Liquid.

"God damn it"! Chuck Norris screamed as the sewage continued to cover him. "AHHHHHHHH, it's disgusting"!

Being the kind and helpful person that he was, Liquid took this opportunity to get up, and run like a bitch.

"I"ll get you, Liquid"! Chuck screamed as Liquid ran down the tunnel.

He didn't stop until he reached the ladder at the other side, and after he climbed out of the sewer, he sealed the cover, and climbed up another ladder onto a rooftop.

He had gone two steps, when the sealed cover blew open.

"LIQUID"! Chuck Norris screamed from in the tunnel.

"Must... keep... going"! He said to himself. "Must... get... away"!

He ran across the rooftop, and pulled open a vent cover, allowing him to get inside. Then he crawled like Solid Snake unitl he came to an opening.

He dropped in, and found himself in some kind of monitoring room. There was no sound from Chuck Norris, so Liquid took a moment to relax and look around.

There was a box of bullets on the desk, so he reloaded his gun, pocketed the rest, and then looked at the monitor. It was controled by remote control, so he decided to see what was on.

(Click)  
(zzz)

It showed three hooded man walking into a grocery store, then they took off their hoods, revealing bunny ears, a green hat, and a large beak.

"Alright, mother fuckers"! The Trix Rabbit screamed as they pulled out their shotguns. "Give us the god damn cerial or I"ll blow your fucking heads off"! "Lucky, tie up the hostages"! "Sonny, get the merchandice"!

"Silly rabbit". A kid said. "Trix are for

Suddenly all three of them opened fire into the crowd.

(click)  
(zzz)

The monitor now showed a girl sitting at a desk.

"Hey"! Liquid yelled as he pushed the intercom. "Hey, you at the desk"!

She didn't answer.

"Answer me, you little bitch"! He yelled. "Where the fuck am I"?! "How do I get out of here"?!

Frustrated, he ran back to the desk to see if there was anything else useful, but then the monitor exploded as Chuck Norris crashed through it.

"Liquid"! Chuck exclaimed. "I found you"!

This made Liquid scream like a girl, but then he stopped and sniffed the air.

"Oh my god". Liquid said. "You smell like assholes and onions".

"I know". He replied. "It's from the sewage vent".

"No, seriously". "You smell like carrots and throwup with a side of hot sick ass".

Now pissed off, Chuck Norris charged at him, but this time Liquid was ready. He pulled out his gun and shot him in the eye, making his head tilt back. It didn't kill him, but it distracted him long enough for Liquid to jump out of the way.

By the time Chuck Norris could see again it was too late. He crashed through the glass window, and fell hundreds of feet into the waters below.

Liquid slowly looked out to see if he was really gone, and then he struck his hero pose.

"HA HA HA"! He yelled out the window. "That makes four times that the great Chuck Norris failed to take my life"! "HA HA HA"! "Maybe next time he will think twice before messing with the all powerful Liquid"!

"Don't bet on it, asshole"! Chuck Norris called from below. "Just wait till I find a way back up there"!

In response to this, Liquid screamed like a girl and ran out the door. 


	9. The Terrible Children

After running through the door, Liquid slammed it shut, and locked it. Then using a technique he learned from watching The Mask, he chained it, boarded it up, and wealded it shut all in about five seconds.

"Much better". He proudly said. "Now to get the fuck out of here".

The building he was now in had a short hallway that split into two directions, and since both were probably equilly dangerous, he flipped a coin to pick one.

Once that was done, he walked down the short hallway, and was about to round a corner, when he heard something.

"Hello, Vincent"? An old woman's voice asked.

Liquid moved up against the wall so that he could he could hear better.

"It's me". She continued. "Your mother". "I want you to leave umbrella, and stop performing thoes terrible sex acts on animals".

Liquid wasn't sure that he had heard properly.

"Thoes pigs didn't do anything wrong to you, Vincent". "Why can't you just find a girl like most men do". "Why do you feel that you need to have sex with pigs, Vincent"?

"Oh, my god". Liquid whispered to himself.

"It's like I told you when you were a little boy, you are not supposed to stick your little pee-pee into the piggy".

Liquid couldn't take anymore, so he rounded the corner, and discovered the little girl that he saw on the monitor. She had been listening to a tape.

"Hey". Liquid said as he walked in. "I don't suppose that I can have that tape, can I"? "I'm gonna send it to everyone that I know".

She screamed as she saw him, and then kicked him in the ankle.

"Ow"! Liquid yelled as he grabbed her. "Why do children always kick me"?! "All I want is the damn tape"! "Where did you get that, anyway"?

"I don't know"! Lilly screamed. "I was only listening to it because I'm so bored"!

"BORED"?! "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE, HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE BORED"?!

"My brother told me to wait here for him"! "Please, let me go"!

Suddenly a little boy came out of nowhere, and started hitting Liquid with a baseball bat.

"Ow, you little bastard"! Liquid yelled as the boy kept hitting him.

He let the girl go, and moved out of the way.

"What the fuck is wrong with you"?! Liquid yelled.

"Trying to mess with my sister, huh"? Lott asked. "Well, I got some bad news for you, asshole". "If anyone is gonna mess with my sister, it's gonna be me".

"What"?

Lilly and Lott suddenly began making out, and Liquid had to cover his mouth to keep from throwing up.

"You are fucking kidding me". He said as they stopped. "Where the hell are your parents at, anyway"?

"Oh, we already played with them". Lott replied as he raised the bat.

"And now we want to play with you". Lilly said as she grabbed a knife. "Come, brother". "We must kill him as a sacrifice to He Who Walks Behind The Rows".

Suddenly there was a gunshot, and the knife flew from her hand.

"Oh, hell no". Liquid replied as he aimed at her head this time. "Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow you both to hell".

"Scatter"! Lott yelled.

They took off around the corner, just missing Liquid's bullets.

"We have to kill him"! Lilly said as they hid. "We can't just leave"!

"Don't worry". Lott replied. "He can't get away because we are the only ones who know how to get off the island".

"SAY WHAT"?! Liquid screamed.

"Run"!

They took off down the hall, but Liquid quickly gained on them.

"This will slow him down". Lott said as he dumped something on the ground.

Liquid ran right into the spilled stuff, discovering too late that it was an oil slick, causing him to squeal like a girl as he slipped and did the splits.

"You little bastards"! He gasped as they ran off. "I'll kill you"!

Once he recovered, he got to his feet, and took off after the kids, spotting them as they reached the enterance to an underground tunnel.

He fired a few shots, missing them by inches as they jumped over the guard rail.

"You won't get away from me"! Liquid yelled as he ran after them.

He reached the guard rail, and leaped, but his pantleg got caught on the rail, hanging him upside down as the kids dissapeared into the tunnel.

"God damn it"! He screamed as he fired into the darkness. "How the fuck does this keep happening to me"?!

Suddenly he heard a ripping sound, and then he fell face first into the water.

"I HATE CHILDREN"! He screamed as he jumped up. "I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU"!

He could no longer see them, so he reloaded his gun, and took off into the tunnel.


	10. Lilly's Demand

After walking through the water for what seemed like hours, Liquid finally found a ladder and climbed out of the tunnel.

"I'm gonna find thoes little bastards". He said to himself as he reached the top. "And when I do, there's gonna be blood and pain".

He was now in front of a house of some kind, and was about to go inside, when a hunter smashed through the door, and flew at him with claws ready.

In response to this, Liquid stepped to the side, and kicked it in the nuts, dropping it to the floor.

"I really don't have time for this". Liquid said as it fell.

It started getting up, but Liquid shot it in both legs.

"I said"! Liquid yelled. "That I do not have time for this"!

It roared and slashed at him, but he jumped onto it's back, and sunk his teeth in.

"How do you like it, asshole"? He asked as he kept biting. "Not as much fun on that end of it, huh"?

Suddenly it grabbed him, and tossed him across the yard. This was the perfect time for Liquid to use that flip trick that he learned from Solid Snake, and if all went well he would land gracefully on his feet, ready to whoop some ass.

If all went well.

It was a good plan, but unfortionatly Liquid was not a graceful or as strong as Solid Snake, so upon landing, he slipped on some wet grass, and tumbled right into a bunch of painting supplies.

The hunter laughed at him as he got up, but stopped laughing as it noticed the shotgun that Liquid found under the paint cans.

Everything went in slow motion as Liquid cocked the shotgun and aimed at the hunter's chest.

"Asta la bye-bye, bitch"! Liquid yelled as he pulled the trigger.

Suddenly the shotgun exploded, throwing Liquid back into the painting supplies, and making the hunter laugh so hard that it had a heart attack and died.

"GOD DAMN IT"! Liquid screamed as he got up. "COULD ANYTHING ELSE POSSIBLY GO WRONG TODAY"?!

He then looked at the dead hunter.

"He's dead"? Liquid asked. "I mean, of course he's dead". "HA HA HA, another plan brilliantly executed by me"! "No hunter can ever hope to stand against the awesome presence that is Liquid"!

He then struck his hero pose, and the theme to Lambchop's Play Along began playing.

"Hold the fucking phone". Liquid said as the music stopped. "That's my theme music"? "Are you fucking insane, or just an incouragable dumb shit"?

Suddenly the theme from Three's Company began playing.

"I will fucking kick your ass"! Liquid yelled as the music stopped. "In fact you're fired, I'll do it myself"!

He took the i-pod pot of his pocket, and brought up his playlist. Then he pushed the button, but nothing happened.

"That's bullshit"! He yelled. "What do you mean my i-pod isn't compatable with windows vista"?! "GET BILL GATES IN HERE, NOW"!!!!!!

"You called"? Bill Gates asked as he walked up.

"Why can my i-pod not play on windows vista"?

"Well, your i-pod was made by apple, so it won't

"I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR EXCUSES"!

He suddenly shot Bill Gates in the head, and walked into the house. There was only one door, so he kicked it open, and found himself in a child's room.

"Well". He said as he started looking around. "Let's see what is behind door number one".

He pulled open a dresser door, and his eyes opened wide as a sledge hammer swung down, whacking him in the stomach.

"Oh, god"! He gasped as he stumbled backwards.

Suddenly a snare tightened around his ankle, and he was knocked onto his face, before being hung upside down.

"HA HAAAAAAAA"! Lilly exclaimed as she jumped out of her hiding place. "Now I've got you"!

Liquid grabbed the knife out of his boot, and cut the rope, making him crash to the floor.

"Nice try, girl". He replied as he got up. "But you will have to do better then that to capture me".

She responded to this by pulling out a net gun, and the next thing he knew, he was stuck to the wall.

"How was that"? She asked.

"Much better". He replied. "But not good enough".

He used the knife to cut the net, but as soon as he was free, she hit him with another one.

"How many of thoes do you have"? Liquid asked.

"About 312". Lilly replied.

"That sucks". "But still, that has to be the best net gun I've ever seen". "Usually they just mess up people's hair".

"Enough"! "This idle chatter is pointless, and you are only talking to me in order to stay alive long enough to figure out a way of escaping".

"Is it working"?

"NO"! "But I may spare your worthless life if you agree to do something for me".

"And what would that be"?

"I want you to save my brother".

Liquid looked at her and started laughing.

"What is so funny"? She asked.

"Oh, nothing". He replied. "So, how about you let me go, and we see what happens"?

"You won't kill me, Liquid". "Because you need my thumbprint and Lott's keycard to open the only escape door on this island".

She pushed a button, and the net fell away. Then Liquid kicked the net gun out of her hand, caught it in the air, and fired. But the net gun exploded, knocking him to the floor.

"I saw that coming a mile away". She said as he got up. "You will find my brother in the middle of the most dangerous and monster infested factory on this island, so I suggest you hurry".

"Then I just need one more thing". Liquid replied as he took out his knife. "Let me see your hand".

He moved toward her, and she pulled out her gun.

"I don't think so". She said. "Besides, you need my voiceprint to get out, too".

"Figures".

"Now run along".

Liquid grumbled as he walked away.

"These kids don't know who they're fucking with". He thought to himself as he left the house. "I am a bad person, and I will kill these little bastards, I swear it".


	11. The Secret Of Shena Island

Liquid walked down a long and dark trail toward the factory.

"Little bastards". He said to himself. "I'm never having kids".

Suddenly his foot hit a tripwire, and he rolled out of the way just before the bullets hit him.

But as he rolled, he hit more wires, forcing him to scream like a girl as he ran, hitting more and more wires.

Soon the factory was in sight, so he ran faster, dove through the door, and slammed it shut, making the bullets bounce off.

"This has to be". He said to himself. "The worst island that I've ever been on in my life".

He was now inside the factory, but there was no sign of the little shit, er, I mean, Lott was nowhere to be found.

"LIQUID"! Lott's voice screamed, scaring the shit out of him.

After shrieking like a girl, Liquid looked around, but found nothing.

"I'm upstairs". Lott continued. "Let's make a game of it, shall we"?

"Yeah, sure". He replied. "The bet is for your life, kid". "I don't usually hurt children, but if you came out of the shadows and I thought you were a zombie, there would have been nothing I could have done to save your life". "So, feel free to leap out at any time".

"My life is not in danger". "But if you don't find me in time, I will throw away the card key, trapping you here even if you kill me".

"Alright, you little ass clown". "I'll play along". "Where are you"?

"I'm sure you will find me, if you look really hard". "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

"Fucking kids".

The factory was quiet as Liquid climbed up the stairs. A shadow of a hand moved toward him on the wall, but it pulled away as he turned around.

"I don't care what that was". He said as he reached the top.

After getting off of the stairs, Liquid found himself on bridge over an area filled with stasis tubes. Opon closer examiantion, he saw that the tubes contained Tele-Tubbys, Barney the dinosaur, Big Bird, and several other fimiliar characters.

"My god". Liquid said as he looked. "They were making these horrible creatures on this island". "They have to be stopped".

"I don't think so, Liquid". Chuck Norris said as he appeared on the other side of the bridge.

"CHUCK NORRIS"?!

"Yes, it's me". "And now you know the secret of this island". "We create clones of children's programming characters, and sell them to children in third world countries for twice what their worth, MUHAHAHAHAHA"!

"You fiend"!

"But, there's more". "Not all of our monsters are created equil".

"What do you mean"?

"Look over there and tell me what you see".

Liquid looked into the distance, and squinted.

"I see a firing squad". He said. "And they're bringing the prisoner...my god, it's Winnie the Pooh"! "...They...they're tying him to the post, and he...he's refusing the blindfold".

Liquid suddenly jumped back as they heard a gunshot.

"That's something that no one should ever have to see". Liquid said as he turned back to Chuck Norris.

"Yes". Chuck replied. "But you have seen it, and I'll just add it to my list of reasons to kill you". "So are you going to run away, or face your death like a man"?

"YOU KILLED WINNIE THE POOH"!!!!!!

Liquid suddenly flew at him, and punched, sending Chuck Norris sliding across the bridge.

"That's better". Chuck Norris said as he got up.

Liquid flew at him again. Then he punched him in the stomach, kicked him in the side, chopped him in the head, and brought both fists down onto his back. Then he went for another punch, but Chuck Norris caught his fist, and got to his feet.

"You may be a bit strong, Liquid". Chuck said. "But I am a God".

He backhanded Liquid in the face, kneed him in the stomach, and then uppercutted him, sending him over the guard rail.

"And so it ends". He said as he walked over to the edge.

Suddenly something beeped inside his jacket, and when he saw the grenade, he had a flashback.

(FLASHBACK)

"Never let Liquid get close to you for any reason". Xing warned.

"Why not"? Chuck Norris asked.

"Because you will either lose something important, or walk away with something you don't want".

"Yeah, whatever". "I'm Chuck Norris, and no one tricks me".

(FLASHFORWARD)

"Oh, shit". He said.

The grenade exploded, knocking him over the guard rail, and as he fell, he saw that Liquid was hanging onto the bottom of the bridge.

"I'll kill you, Liquid"! Chuck Norris yelled as he fell. "You won't get away from me so easy next time"!

He crashed into the tubes, causing a fire as Liquid climbed back up onto the bridge.

"You think that was easy"? Liquid asked as he started walking again. "Then you're insane".

The heavy door on the other side of the bridge opened for him, and he continued on his search for the little bastard.


	12. Rescue Lott

Liquid continued walking deeper into the factory, ploting horrible and painful ways in which to kill two certain children.

"Let's see". He said to himself. "I could use a cheese grater first, then I could put an exploding collar on them, and tell them that the only way to survive is to detonate the other one's collar". "By god, it's genius"!

There were a few zombies around, but other then that, there weren't many monsters around.

"Liquid"! Lott's voice called. "I'm up above you, Liquid"!

He was nowhere to be found, so Liquid kept looking, and came apon a cable car that would take him to the upper levels.

"Sweet". He said as he got in.

But what he didn't see was the hunter that jumped on top of the car as it went up, and got it's claws ready to tear flesh.

Soon the car came to a stop and the hunter jumped down with a slash as the door opened.

But no one was there.

The hunter walked in, and Liquid swung down from the cieling, landed out of the car, and slammed the door shut. He then fired a few shots into the cable, and the hunter screamed as the car fell into the darkness.

"HA HA, BITCH"! Liquid called as it crashed. "I LIKE TO SNEAK UP ON PEOPLE, TOO"! "NOW YOU JUST LAY THERE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE"!

He reloaded his gun, and walked about five steps, when he heard something.

"AHHHHHHHH"! Lott screamed.

Not wanting to miss a grusome death, and needing to get the key before it was destroyed by some monster, Liquid ran across a catwalk toward the sound.

Suddenly a scientist came out of nowhere, and stood in his path.

"I'VE DONE IT"! He screamed. "After 15 years of research, I alone hold the secret to reversing the aging process"! "We can all be forever young"!

"That movie sucked". Liquid said as he pushed him out of the way.

The scientist then lost his balance, and screamed as he fell to his death.

"Crazy ass old people". Liquid said as he reached another door. "The age limit in Logan's Run sounds better every day".

He pulled open the door, and walked in just in time.

A hunter had Lott backed up to the edge of the catwalk, and being the hero that he was, Liquid leaned against the wall to watch.

Lott raised the bat, and began hitting the hunter in the head, but it responded to this by biting the bat in half.

"Liquid"! Lott called as he backed up.

Liquid only smiled and waved as the hunter closed in.

"Liquid"! He called again. "Liquid, I've got the only key"!

The hunter slashed, but Lott jumped back, falling off the edge, and grabbing a pipe that was sticking out.

"Liquid"! Lott screamed as the hunter raised it's claws. "Liquid, help me"!

The hunter was about to strike, when there were five gunshots, and the monster fell over the edge.

"Well, well". Liquid said as he stood over Lott. "Clif hanger, hanging from a clif, and that's why he's called clif hanger".

"Help me up"! Lott screamed. "Can't hold on much longer"!

But instead of helping, Liquid aimed his gun at the boy's head.

"I know what you're thinking". He said. "Did he fire five shots, or a hundred and seventy four"? "So, you have to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky"? "Well, do ya...bitch"?

Lott suddenly reached into his pocket, and took out the key card.

"I'll drop it"! He yelled.

"Drop it and die". Liquid replied.

"Fine, kill me"! "You'll be stuck here forever"!

"I might be able to find it down there".

"Are you sure about that"?

"I think so".

Liquid cocked the hammer back, held it aimed at Lott's head for a second, and then holstered it. Then he reached down, and pulled him back up.

"Alright". Liquid said once he was up. "Now give me the key to the heliport".

"Ok". Lott replied. "You win".

But as he was handing the key over, Lott pulled a taser out of his other pocket, and jammed it into Liquid, making him scream as he collapsed to the floor.

"You bastard"! Liquid gasped as he twitched.

"You shouldn't play with these". The boy said as he tossed Liquid's gun over the edge.

Lott then pocketed the key, kicked Liquid in the head, and laughed as he ran through another door.

A few seconds later Liquid got to his feet, and ran after him.

He ran through door after door, hell bent on making this little bastard suffer like never before. But then he stopped after running through another door and finding himself in a large hallway with two doors.

"Great". He said to himself. "Which one"?

Suddenly he felt something press into his back, and it was accompanyed by the sound of a gun being cocked back.

"Perhaps this will help you decide". Xing said. "Now put your hands up nice and slow".


	13. Liquid Vs Xing

Liquid quickly spun around, knocking the gun out of Xing's hand, but at the same time Xing slammed his knee into Liquid's stomach.

He then uppercutted, making Liquid fall backwards, but as he fell he took the knife out of his boot, and tossed it.

Xing caught the knife and tossed it back, but Liquid rolled out of the way, and jumped to his feet.

"Having fun without your powers"? Liquid asked.

"It's not so bad being powerless". Xing replied. "You just have to get used to it".

"Well, I hope that you are getting used to pain".

"Oh"?

"Yeah, because I've been waiting years for this, and now I'm about to stomp a mud hole in your ass the size of yankee stadium".

He suddenly tackled Xing, but Xing used the momentum to flip him over. They both quickly got to their feet, and Xing turned around just in time to be kicked in the mouth by Liquid.

Xing stumbled back and Liquid swung again, but Xing caught his fist, twisted it behind his back, and booted him in the ass, making him eat the floor.

He went for a stomp, but Liquid rolled out of the way and swept his feet out from under him.

They both rolled away from eachother, and got to their feet.

"Well, it's been fun". Xing said as he reached into his jacket. "But I'm just gonna kill you now".

He pulled out a second handgun, aimed at Liquid's head, and pulled the trigger.

(Click)

"What the"?! Xing exclaimed.

(Click) (click) (click)

Liquid smirked as he reached into his pocket, and took out Xing's clip.

"I didn't have time to grab your gun during our little scuffle". He explained as he tossed it away. "But I had just enough to get all of your bullets".

"YOU LITTLE PIG FUCKER"! Xing screamed as he tossed the gun away.

Without warning Xing suddenly became a blur as he dashed forward and punched Liquid in the stomach, sending him flying into the wall.

"Prepare to die, Liquid"! Xing yelled.

He then dashed with a punch, but Liquid moved at the last second, making Xing's fist go right through the wall.

"Shit"! Xing exclaimed as he jerked his arm back and forth. "God damn it to hell"!

"What's wrong"? Liquid asked.

"I'm stuck"!

Liquid began laughing as Xing tried to free himself.

"God damn it"! Xing yelled again as he pulled.

"Can you move at all"? Liquid asked.

"No".

"Are you sure"?

"Yes"!

Liquid then kicked him in the back, punched him in the ribs, and started punching him in the kidneys.

"HA HA, you dumb fuck"! Liquid laughed as he kept punching. "You fucked up, and now I'm gonna take you apart piece by piece"!

Suddenly Xing screamed, and the wall shattered as he ripped out the entire support beam that his hand was stuck in.

"Oh". Liquid said.

Xing broke the beam in half, freeing his hand, and then he faced Liquid.

"I think that it's time for me to finish this". He said.

Liquid kicked, but Xing blocked and came back with a chop that sent Liquid stumbling into the wall.

He came back with a punch, but Xing caught his fist.

"What you fail to realise, Liquid". Xing said as he slowly overpowered Liquid. "Is that even without my powers, I'm still atleast 10 times the fighter you are".

He pushed Liquid's arm out of the way, kicked him in the stomach, and then uppercutted him, knocking him off his feet.

"And now, Liquid". He said as he picked up the gun and clip. "I'm going to do what I shoudl ahve done years ago".

He reloaded the gun and aimed, but then the wall next to him exploded as Chuck Norris crashed through it.

"Sorry, Xing". Chuck said as he knocked the gun out of his hand. "But I claimed his life first".

He then grabbed Xing, headbutted him, and bashed his head against the wall, knocking him out.

"And now, Liquid". He said as he prepared to kill. "...Liquid"?

He was nowhere to be found, and the door at the end of the hall was open.

"That cowardly little bastard". Chuck said. "He ran away again".

He was about to go after him, when Xing jumped up, and spin kicked him.

"What are you doing"? Chuck Norris asked. "He's getting away"!

"I'll deal with him later". Xing replied. "But right now I have to teach you a lesson for blindsiding me".

Meanwhile Liquid was running as fast as he could, when the whole complex suddenly started shaking.

"The self destruct system has been activated". The computer announced. "This sequence may not be aborted".

"GOD DAMN IT"! Liquid screamed. "NOT AGAIN"! "WHO THE FUCK DID THAT"?!

He ran a little bit further, and got his answer as he saw Lilly and Lott running away from the control room.

"It's fun to blow up an entire island"! Lott exclaimed.

"We get to watch it go boom"! Lilly added. "But we need to get to the heliport first".

Liquid followed them as they ran.


	14. Triple Threat Match

Chuck Norris stumbled back after being struck in the jaw, then he dodged two more punches, and punched Xing in the head, backing him off.

"We don't have time for this". Chuck said. "This whole island is about to explode, and Liquid will get away again if I don't do something".

"You know, Chuck". Xing replied. "There are three things that piss me off: Incompitence, bad haircuts, and backstabbing cocksuckers". "And I'm afraid that you fit into all three".

"God damn it, he's getting away"!

"Well, you should have thought of that before you attacked me from behind".

"Alright then, Xing". "I didn't want to do this, but you leave me with no choice".

Suddenly everything went slow motion as Chuck Norris spun around and roundhouse kicked Xing in the head, knocking him out cold.

Chuck Norris then ran after Liquid.

Meanwhile the children had made it out of the building, and were running toward the hanger.

"Oh, shit". Lott said. "I just thought of something".

"What"? Lilly asked.

"I don't know how to fly a helicopter".

"Are you shitting me"?! "Where the fuck are we going to get a pilot"?!

"I can fly". Liquid said as he came out the door.

Lilly took out her net gun, and Lott grabbed his taser.

"Hold on a second"! Liquid yelled. "We can help eachother"!

"I have a better idea". Lott replied. "How about Lilly net's you, and then I fry your ass until you look like a thanksgiving turkey"?

"Then how would you get off the island"?

They just stood there for a second.

"The self destruct system has been activated". The computer repeated. "You don't have time to fuck around".

"Alright, fine". Lott said as they lowered their weapons. "We'll get you into the hanger if you fly us out of here".

"Deal". Liquid replied. "Let's go".

They were about halfway to the hanger, when there was a noise, and they turned around to see Chuck Norris kick down the door.

"Aw, fuck me to tears"! Liquid yelled. "Why won't he just go away"?!

"Liquid"! Chuck yelled as he came out.

"What do we do"? Lilly asked.

"The only way to survive this is to work togather". Liquid replied. "I'll distract him, Lilly, you net him, and Lott, I want you to fry his ass until your battery dies, ok, guys"? ... "Guys"?

He looked just in time to see them run into the hanger, and lock the door behind them.

"Aw, crap". Liquid said.

Meanwhile Lilly and Lott got into the helicopter, and tried to figure it out.

"This sucks". Lott said. "We really can't escape without him".

"You are such a loser". Lilly replied. "I know someone who is jerking off tonight".

"Damn it, I just can't win"!

Out on the heliport, Liquid flew into another stack of pain cans as his horrible ass kicking continued.

"I'm gonna beat your ass until this place explodes". He said as Liquid got up.

Liquid ran at him with a punch, but he blocked it, kicked him in the nuts, and roundhouse kicked him, sending him into yet another stack of paint cans.

"I just love stomping your ass, Liquid". He said as he walked toward him. "I turned down another Three Ninjas movie to be here".

He grabbed Liquid by the hair, and began punching him in the face. Then after about twenty punches, he slammed Liquid's head into the ground, and prepared to finish him off.

"Goodbye, Liquid". He said as he pulled his fist back.

Suddenly Xing came out of nowhere and leaped onto Chuck Norris's back, and put him into a sleeper hold.

"Get the fuck off me"! Chuck yelled.

He slammed Xing into walls, the ground, paint cans, guard rails, and everything else that he could find, but he just wouldn't let go.

"Hiring you was a mistake". Xing said as he tightened his grip. "And I intend to rectify that mistake right now".

He suddenly twisted his arms, breaking Chuck Norris's neck, and then they both collapsed to the ground.

"Attack me from behind, huh"? Xing asked as he started to get up. "Let that be a lesson to you".

Then there was a gunshot, and Xing screamed as a bullet went into his shoulder. He looked up, and saw Liquid standing ther with Xing's own gun.

"Look what I found". Liquid said. "You seem to have dropped it during your fight with Chuck Norris".

Xing started to get up, but Liquid put a bullet into his leg, then his other shoulder, and his other leg.

Xing screamed as he fell onto his back, and Liquid stood over him with the gun.

"This is for everything you did to me over the past seven years". Liquid said as he aimed.

(Click)

"Oh, god damn it". Liquid said as he hung his head. "That would have been so perfect, too".

The island started shaking violently, and the computer repeated the warning.

"5 minutes until detonation". It said.

Liquid then kicked Xing in the face, and ran toward the hanger.


	15. The Escape

After forcing his way into the hanger, Liquid jumped into the pilot's seat, and fired up the engine.

"Hang on". He said as it lifted off the ground.

The helicopter bounced off the hanger walls a few times, but eventualy they rose up into the air.

"How did you learn to fly"? Lott asked as they moved away from the island.

"Oh, I'm triple certified on microsoft flight simulator". Liquid replied.

"But that teaches you airplanes"!

"Now you're just grasping at straws".

Suddenly the island exploded, and the shockwave made the helicopter shake.

"That was awesome"! Lott exclaimed as the mushroom cloud spread across the sky.

"Wow"! Lilly yelled. "It's fun to cause death and destruction"!

"Whatever". Liquid replied. "You seen one mushroom cloud, you seen them all".

A ticking sound was heard.

"What was that"? Lilly asked.

"It's a mushroom cloud". Liquid replied.

"Not the cloud, that noise coming from under us".

"I didn't hear anything".

The sound was heard again.

"I heard it, too". Lott said. "What was that"?

"Alright, you little babys". Liquid replied. "I'll take a look".

Liquid looked out the window, and screamed like a girl as he saw Chuck Norris hanging onto the bottom of the helicopter.

"Liquid"! He screamed. "I'll kill you, Liquid"!

"FIRE THE MISSILES"! Liquid screamed.

"We don't have missiles"! Lott replied.

"Why not"?

"Because this is an unarmed transport chopper"!

"THAT'S BULLSHIT"!

"LIQUID"! Chuck Norris called as he started climbing up.

"What do we do"? Lott asked.

"I've got an idea"! Liquid yelled.

"What is it"?

"A possible solution to a problem, but that's not important right now".

"I mean, what is your idea"?

"Just do to him what you were gonna do to me"!

Lilly then shot Chuck Norris with her net gun, and Lott jammed the taser into his hand.

"It's not working"! Lilly screamed.

"Move back"! Liquid yelled as he took out his gun.

They moved out of the way, and Liquid shot the thing that Chuck was holding on to. This caused the part to snap off, and Chuck Norris screamed his rage as he fell.

"I'll kill you, Liquid"! He screamed as he fell. "I'll find you wherever you go"!

"Whatever, dude"! Liquid replied. "I hope you can't swim"!

He crashed into the ocean, and Liquid went back to flying.

"What do we do now"? Lilly asked.

"I don't fucking know". Liquid replied. "But don't worry, because we can fly for as long as we have fuel".

"But it's just about on E".

"Then I guess we have to lose some weight, huh"?

"How"?

Liquid suddenly banked to the side, making the kids scream as they fell out of the helicopter.

"HA HA, YOU LITTLE FUCKS"! Liquid laughed as they vanished from sight. "You want to maim and torture my ass, huh"? "WELL, LOOK WHERE IT GOT YOU"!

He continued laughing as he flew into the sunrise.

But what he didn't see was the little jet-ski shootng across the ocean.

"I'll get you for this, Liquid". Xing said to himself. "As soon as I recover, I'm gonna find you and punish you like never before, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"!

He continued laughing as he shot across the water.

The End


End file.
